Just Another Self-absorbed Millennial Reviewing St. Petersburg: Kava Bar Review #1: Bula Kafe

If you're originally from one of the midwestern states or you're a Florida resident who doesn't get out too much, then you may be completely unaware of what kava (or kratom) is.

Real quick:

Kava is a drink made from a pepper. When consumed, it can give a relaxing effect (think xanax).
Kratom is also a drink, but it's made from a plant in the coffee family. Similar to some opiates, its effects are energizing and euphoric.
Both have a bland, earthy taste.
Both are legal.
The word "bula" is Fijian for "life".
Florida has the most Kava bars out of all states in the United States—most of them being in Miami and St. Petersburg.

I've gone to Bula Kafe quite a few times since moving to St. Pete so I'd like to think I know what I'm talking about as I review this place. Not that my other reviews were a bunch of fluff…but I didn't just stick my head inside this place for 5 minutes and leave. Ohhh no, quite the opposite actually! This tiny bite of consumable products in the business world was so foreign and so novel to me that I needed to examine it thoroughly so it could be understood.

I basically became Bula Kafe's psychotic ex-girlfriend and stalked the hell out of it for the past week.

If one looks closely they will see that this panorama is totally f***ed up

….Decoration and Ambiance

Wanna know the quickest way to get to know someone?

Go through all their stuff.

And this is more or less what I did the last time I paid Bula Kafe a visit….

Imagine an oversized-tiki bar with pub-styled bar stools, Hawaiian themed decor, and lounge furniture and you'll have the kratom/kava serving area of Bula Kafe. Now I'm not sure what it is with obscure Florida businesses and christmas lights, but this place is no different. Dutifully, there are four different sets of Christmas lights strung along this bar—one of which is dead and needs replaced.

The air feels heavy and humid so expect to become sweaty and unattractive after coming here. There are fans that make patrons think that it could be much, much worse but honestly they just make a stupid amount of noise. Admittedly, they do a great job of drowning out the sounds of cars and police sirens blaring down 5th ave.

The mood amongst the bartenders and patrons is lax, easygoing, and (at times) borderline uncaring. This seems to be the gathering place for people from all walks of life who have a little time to kill so feel free to strike up a conversation with anyone. Really.

….Service

Unless you're a cute girl and the bartender is a dude (or vice versa) expect to have your patience tested here—that is, unless you flag one of them down. I would recommend waving your arms around like a buffoon to get served quicker. It worked for me.

Oh, and you may get called "hun" and "babe" quite a bit no matter what gender you are. Don't read too much into it.

….Kratom

Each time I've ordered red kratom which is supposed to be relaxing. Out of the four times, I'm pretty sure it only worked once on me. Not sure if it's because you're not supposed to guzzle the whole thing at once or what, but I noticed I became a lot more mellow the one time I didn't inhale it.
I'll need to try it again and see!

….Put bluntly

I've come here four times in one week—it should be obvious I adore this place! But I shall be reviewing the rest of the kava bars in St. Petersburg to see if any of the others has this one beat.

Stay tuned.

….More pictures!